I leave in one week to another country with no friends and little money to greet me. I am writing this to remind myself of why I must.
Things are comfortable here. I have friends, family, the affection of a beautiful woman, a great degree of personal freedom and no financial woes. For now, at least... These things are the pursuit of others, but I am cursed (blessed really) with another view. Comfort of this sort becomes the comfort of morphine. It is of the kind that would rob a man of his years by quieting his mind, dulling his senses, and infusing his spirit with a most insidious happiness. I do not shun happiness. I seek to be awake and alive, and that is not accomplished by maintaining routines.
I manifest now a bodily expression of what has been an internal journey (though they are really the same). Not too long ago I came to the most improbable yet inescapable conclusion that I and the universe, the whole blinking cosmos, are indeed the exact same thing. The intelligence that controls my body and that which determines my outward circumstances have always been in a most elegant interplay, though I could not see it. I felt forlorn, meandering, abandoned. I had been blinded by ego, but now I am stupefied by the infinite.
My conclusion is the only conclusion. Try to wrestle with it and it will destroy you utterly. All science, all philosophy, ends here. Anyone with sincere intent and courage can see it. You can wake up if you would but learn to shun the comfort of dreams.
Whitman said "I am larger, better than I thought. I did not know I contained so much goodness." I am leaving now to delight in just how large and good I am. I remove and destroy old crutches, habits and comforts along the way that I may delight in what will take their place. I walk a road which yet not exists and I will marvel as it materializes beneath my feet. It always has. The day that road ends, the day I am no longer held up, I am content to fall. I have been given much and swell with gratitude. I have never been far from my appointed place. I am no stranger in this world. I have always belonged. Universal intelligence that brought me forth out of infinity still carries me. The same is true for you, Traveler. I tell you a secret now. We are the same.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Life as Game
There exists a fascinating disparity to me between the real world, what is true, and the way we live our lives. Not just how we choose to live our lives, but in some cases how we must live them.
The most poignent disparity is found in the problem of free will. Free will, as it is commonly understood, does not exist. Not only does it not exist in this world, it is impossible to imagine or design a world in which it could exist. I'll try to explain briefly.
Now truly "free" will would mean that an individual has the ability to make choices without significant influence from their environment. I think we can rule this possibility out rather quickly. Just look at the statistics of people born into certain places in the world and into various socioeconomic situations. We can make very accurate predictions about the "choices" a baby will make over the course of it's lifetime based on when, where, and to whom it is born. Environment certainly plays a significant role in the choices a person will make.
Okay, so maybe free will isn't completely free. Environmental factors certainly influence the likelihood of an individual making certain choices, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a "will" at all. We may not be completely free, but we certainly can still make choices within our given environment, whether or not the environment makes certain choices more difficult than others. Let's take a closer look at this "personal will".
If you pay close enough attention to the goings on of your own mind you'll notice that you don't choose to think thoughts. Thoughts simply appear in your head, like pop up windows. Just try and sit quietly and choose to think no thoughts. You'll find quickly that this is a very difficult task. So if you don't want to be thinking thoughts but you still are, who on earth is thinking the thoughts? Thought is merely another sensation, you see. But let's make this less personal.
If you take the scientific or materialistic view of the world, you are entirely made up of matter and energy, just like everything else. There can be no part of you that is a free agent. You are subject to the same laws as everything else - you have no more free will than a rock, for example. If you believe you have a soul, that doesn't solve the problem either. Let's say you have a soul. Did you "choose" your particular soul from among the other souls? No. And can your soul make choices? If your soul is dynamic, that is to say it can change, then it changes along with your environment and is connected like everything else to the world at large, so it is not a free agent. If your soul is static and your "choices" are simply the manifestation of an unchanging intrinsic nature, you're stuck as well. Free will is not possible in all possible worlds, real or imagined.
I'll assume you're with me on this "free will is an illusion" business so we can move onto more interesting stuff. Realizing the truth, that the personal will does not exist, is the key to seeing what life really is. I mean it this way: If you try and live your life keeping the fact that free will is an illusion in mind, you'll quickly realize that this truth is of little to no use. You'll start to think "Well, should I just sit around and do nothing, or do immoral things since I am ultimately not responsible?". There's just no way to really use this truth pragmatically. So there's the rub. If you want to be alive, you have to set truth aside at times. In fact, that's all your life is. You actively, willingly ignore truth (rather create untruth) so that you can get invested in the drama of your own life. Without the notion that you could have made different choices in the past, you would never experience regret. You would also never feel pride. Without the notion that the future is wide open to you, you wouldn't feel hope or a need to strive. Once you start to see the dream you have woven which up until now you have called your life, you can unweave the dream further. It goes deep. Real deep. Or you can just ignore it completely. I recommend the later. Though there is a middle way, the place where I live.
Here's what it's like to be in my head: Imagine you're watching a movie and you're completely caught up in the drama. But then you see a scene with a particularly difficult stunt and think you yourself "'How did they pull that off?" Now instead of paying attention to the film you're thinking about stunt men, pyrotechnics, camera angles, etc. You've stopped paying attention to the film and you're unweaving the illusion - taking a peek behind the curtain. You may start paying attention later and get caught up in the drama again, but at no point could you be compelled to take the drama with deadly seriousness. The whole thing is a lovely sham. This is my life. I play the game of life not because I am convinced of it's substance but because I find it a hoot. I suspend my disbelief so that I can be more entertained, I play various roles with varying degrees of conviction, and I pick and choose when and where I unweave the illusion to get a peek at the magic behind the scenes. But please, please, never ask me to take anything seriously.
With love,
-Ryan D Eastwick
The most poignent disparity is found in the problem of free will. Free will, as it is commonly understood, does not exist. Not only does it not exist in this world, it is impossible to imagine or design a world in which it could exist. I'll try to explain briefly.
Now truly "free" will would mean that an individual has the ability to make choices without significant influence from their environment. I think we can rule this possibility out rather quickly. Just look at the statistics of people born into certain places in the world and into various socioeconomic situations. We can make very accurate predictions about the "choices" a baby will make over the course of it's lifetime based on when, where, and to whom it is born. Environment certainly plays a significant role in the choices a person will make.
Okay, so maybe free will isn't completely free. Environmental factors certainly influence the likelihood of an individual making certain choices, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a "will" at all. We may not be completely free, but we certainly can still make choices within our given environment, whether or not the environment makes certain choices more difficult than others. Let's take a closer look at this "personal will".
If you pay close enough attention to the goings on of your own mind you'll notice that you don't choose to think thoughts. Thoughts simply appear in your head, like pop up windows. Just try and sit quietly and choose to think no thoughts. You'll find quickly that this is a very difficult task. So if you don't want to be thinking thoughts but you still are, who on earth is thinking the thoughts? Thought is merely another sensation, you see. But let's make this less personal.
If you take the scientific or materialistic view of the world, you are entirely made up of matter and energy, just like everything else. There can be no part of you that is a free agent. You are subject to the same laws as everything else - you have no more free will than a rock, for example. If you believe you have a soul, that doesn't solve the problem either. Let's say you have a soul. Did you "choose" your particular soul from among the other souls? No. And can your soul make choices? If your soul is dynamic, that is to say it can change, then it changes along with your environment and is connected like everything else to the world at large, so it is not a free agent. If your soul is static and your "choices" are simply the manifestation of an unchanging intrinsic nature, you're stuck as well. Free will is not possible in all possible worlds, real or imagined.
I'll assume you're with me on this "free will is an illusion" business so we can move onto more interesting stuff. Realizing the truth, that the personal will does not exist, is the key to seeing what life really is. I mean it this way: If you try and live your life keeping the fact that free will is an illusion in mind, you'll quickly realize that this truth is of little to no use. You'll start to think "Well, should I just sit around and do nothing, or do immoral things since I am ultimately not responsible?". There's just no way to really use this truth pragmatically. So there's the rub. If you want to be alive, you have to set truth aside at times. In fact, that's all your life is. You actively, willingly ignore truth (rather create untruth) so that you can get invested in the drama of your own life. Without the notion that you could have made different choices in the past, you would never experience regret. You would also never feel pride. Without the notion that the future is wide open to you, you wouldn't feel hope or a need to strive. Once you start to see the dream you have woven which up until now you have called your life, you can unweave the dream further. It goes deep. Real deep. Or you can just ignore it completely. I recommend the later. Though there is a middle way, the place where I live.
Here's what it's like to be in my head: Imagine you're watching a movie and you're completely caught up in the drama. But then you see a scene with a particularly difficult stunt and think you yourself "'How did they pull that off?" Now instead of paying attention to the film you're thinking about stunt men, pyrotechnics, camera angles, etc. You've stopped paying attention to the film and you're unweaving the illusion - taking a peek behind the curtain. You may start paying attention later and get caught up in the drama again, but at no point could you be compelled to take the drama with deadly seriousness. The whole thing is a lovely sham. This is my life. I play the game of life not because I am convinced of it's substance but because I find it a hoot. I suspend my disbelief so that I can be more entertained, I play various roles with varying degrees of conviction, and I pick and choose when and where I unweave the illusion to get a peek at the magic behind the scenes. But please, please, never ask me to take anything seriously.
With love,
-Ryan D Eastwick
Friday, January 18, 2013
Mind of Eastwick
I like the sound of my own concepts. They are like music to me. Words are the only instrument I know how to play. I write only for myself, but it helps to have an imaginary audience in mind. And the best way I know how to write to an imaginary audience is to start a blog. Welcome to Mind of Eastwick.
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